So for far too long I have been WAY too busy, and it finally took its toll on my life and family but I figured out what to do.... Quit being busy!!! There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes from saying "no" to people and things. For the first time in a long time I get to be home day and night and I am rediscovering my inner domestic diva who I would like to be a full time outter domestic diva, I have been making cookies, knitting, cleaning, hanging out with my family, it's been wonderful for the most part. I do have quite a bit of damage control to run since I was gone so much over the past few years but it can be done I have no fear about that. As I am sitting here feeling guilty ad heck for all the wasted time I am trying to remember why all those non family oriented extra things seemed so important at the time, and I realized this morning that it seemed that way because I was looking for happiness in the wrong places and because I allowed my focus to drift from what's important in my life, really important, I lost something I can never get back, time. With my family, real friends, and God. I can never undo the hurts and suffering from being gone, all I can do is move forward with the knowledge that the only thing that matters is family. And I am so blessed, I have a family, an eternal one, I have my sweet babies who are not really babies anymore at 12,8,&6, and my amazing husband who is wonderful at taking care of our family. The point is though, to say, don't let the world get in the way of your happiness and the path to true happiness, it is only through Christ that our lives are made whole and His teachings urge us to be focused on the family and teach our children of Him and uplift our spouses in Christ. I love my family very much, and I want this to be a warning to any mom who is thinking of working or leaving home, if you do not have to, meaning if your family will go without food, DON'T DO IT IT'S NOT WORTH IT I PROMISE YOU!!!!!!! The only things your family needs are food, shelter, clothes, and each-other nothing else matters.
The freedom I feel is from the bondage of the world trying to pull me away from my family, and I will not be chained again. I love then too much to put myself back into the prison of the world.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Don't let the gypsy girl out.... For realz
I am not a fighter, I loathe tension, awkward silence, and passive aggressiveness. I would much rather someone come out and say ASAP whatever is bothering them and don't let it fester. Well last night a festering wound burst is bloody nasty smelly oiss all over the place and when that happened..... The gypsy, rumnee, rumnishel, traveler, Romani whatever girl can out of me with a force.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Rock the Casbah
So for the past few years business has been slow at best, but lately it seems to be picking up a bit!!! Yay!!! I am so very blessed to have this job that I not only LOVE but my boss is awesome even on days when he is a bit of a beast, as all bosses are at times. Why is he so awesome you ask??? Because he lets me bring my kids to work with me every single night I have to work!!! So I get to be with them and not have to leave them with a sitter wahooooo!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Irrational fear
Have you ever had an irrational fear??? Do you know what it is??? Do you know what it does to a person??
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My ADD Brain
Its the Holidays!!! YAY or not because I have to make presents, oh but look at that dirt on the floor, my dog needs a bath, hey laundry's done, oh look something sparkly....
That is pretty much how my brain feels all the time these days.
This season on Grey's Anatomy, Teddy told Christina to make a bucket list of every surgery she ever wanted to do. Why does that matter??? Because its an amazing idea!!! I am going to make a long LONG bucket list of things i want to create and then I am going to do it!!!!
The problem is I am trying to figure out just exactly why my brain cannot stay focused on one thing at a time. Sometimes I think its because I don't have the money to finish a lot of projects, then other times I think I am just crazy. Who knows but this year is the year to do it different, to do it better!!! To finish my wedding album lol!!!!
Oh other notes, I was recently "promoted" if you want to call it that, actually I feel more like I was dropped into the 7th circle of Hell!!!! Basically my job, for whatever reason, has caused some folks who were once very close to me, to just go away. It makes me really sad, but I am not sure who I am sad for, I am sad for me because it hurts my feelings because it seems to me that egos have gotten in the way of friendship. And I am sad for them because running away from things is no way to solve anything. I think I am pretty awesome. I mean I will bend over backwards for other people should the occassion call for it, but everytime I have done that in the past year, I have been crapped on. Not that I am necessarily complaining, I mean I have full faith that the Lord does not put things in our path that we cannot deal with. Its just a trial I have to overcome. In someways I feel very blessed, compared to some other folks my trials are really VERY trivial. There are people who have children who are sick, people who cannot feed their families, and families that are broken apart all over the place. But I am blessed because I don't have any of those problems. Now is the time to use this faith for good. I am just praying that the Lord will guide me so that I will know what it is he wants me to do with all these heartbreaking lessons he is teaching me.
That is pretty much how my brain feels all the time these days.
This season on Grey's Anatomy, Teddy told Christina to make a bucket list of every surgery she ever wanted to do. Why does that matter??? Because its an amazing idea!!! I am going to make a long LONG bucket list of things i want to create and then I am going to do it!!!!
The problem is I am trying to figure out just exactly why my brain cannot stay focused on one thing at a time. Sometimes I think its because I don't have the money to finish a lot of projects, then other times I think I am just crazy. Who knows but this year is the year to do it different, to do it better!!! To finish my wedding album lol!!!!
Oh other notes, I was recently "promoted" if you want to call it that, actually I feel more like I was dropped into the 7th circle of Hell!!!! Basically my job, for whatever reason, has caused some folks who were once very close to me, to just go away. It makes me really sad, but I am not sure who I am sad for, I am sad for me because it hurts my feelings because it seems to me that egos have gotten in the way of friendship. And I am sad for them because running away from things is no way to solve anything. I think I am pretty awesome. I mean I will bend over backwards for other people should the occassion call for it, but everytime I have done that in the past year, I have been crapped on. Not that I am necessarily complaining, I mean I have full faith that the Lord does not put things in our path that we cannot deal with. Its just a trial I have to overcome. In someways I feel very blessed, compared to some other folks my trials are really VERY trivial. There are people who have children who are sick, people who cannot feed their families, and families that are broken apart all over the place. But I am blessed because I don't have any of those problems. Now is the time to use this faith for good. I am just praying that the Lord will guide me so that I will know what it is he wants me to do with all these heartbreaking lessons he is teaching me.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Girls Camp!!!
So this time last week I was at girls camp having the best and most spiritually uplifting week of my life, thus far. I seriously thought at some point Jesus was going to show up like the second coming was going to happen right then :D...obviously it didn't but that is just how amazing it was!!!
Day 1: Tuesday, Driving to camp
Fun and uneventful, the girls did try to get us to listen to plain white t's and justin bieber (gag lol) but we listened to EFY and Young Women broadcasts instead and that made it awesome!!! We got to camp and found out that not only were we no where near the lodge this time but in fact were in the furthest campsite from it...lol my poor gimpy foot and i had to trek up to the lodge everyday from like 100 yards or more away but it was ok it didn't hurt and I didn't mind, but it would have been nice to be close, however, the campsite in the back of the camp ground is most beautiful and more foresty so that was nice :D!!! The rest of the day was filled with fun and spiritual getting to know you activites. We had one girl who was a little home sick but she called her mom and it helped her feel a little better.
Day 2: Wednesday, First Full day at camp
For me this day was filled with sitting around the main lodge and wondering around the main part of camp, as i was too gimpy to really do a lot of walking. My foot didn't bother me as much as my hips did at the end of the days because of the wierd height difference in my legs because of the boot. But I got to hang around with ladies I hardly ever see and that was fun. My little homesick girl was still pretty homesick at the beginning of the day but i was watching her closely all day since her group was just outside the main lodge and she seemed to be having a good time as the day went on and she was smiling by the end of it. I think this was the night we did skits in a bag which is always a big hit with the girls they love it, and our girls did amazing.."Don't be a drag, just be a queen!!!"
Day 3: Thursday, Hike day, Bishops night, and Mothers without borders
This is usually my favorite day of camp because of the hikes but sadly this year i did not get to go on the hikes so instead I helped the ladies prepare for Bishops night by making tons of little plaques with the temple on them that say "Families are Forever". Later after the hikes I got to hear all about them and they sounded wonderful and spiritual and amazing esp Sister Padgetts props to you girl, I wish I could have been there for it!!! As we were waiting for the bishops to show up, Britta and I got a chance to talk to Sis Woodbury all about her trip to Africa with Mothers without Borders. Needless to say I am SOOOO going as soon as i can!!! Bishops night was fun and as we all know bishops night also means dutch oven cobbler..only the BEST thing on the planet for real!!!!!
Day 4: Friday, Last full day of camp, and Testimony meeting
Last full day of camp is bitter sweet :) we told the girls to be packing a little in their free time so that we didn't have to be too late getting home on saturday and out of there the next morning. The day wen't off without a hitch. Then it was time to prepare for the testimony meeting. This was amazing, sis Buckhoff did an amazing job planning for this testimony prep, the spirit was so strong that there wasn't a dry eye in that camp. During the testimony sharing, most of our girls got up and I know that all of them will next year. This was the point at which I was certain Jesus was about to show up lol...it was that powerful :)
Day 5: Saturday, time to go home
YES!!! and Sad at the same time, I wanted to go home to my kiddos and my AC but I didn't want to lose the amazing spirit that I felt at camp. I have found ways since being home to keep it but it isn't nearly as strong.
All in all camp was amazing this year. You know, in Feb or early in the year we always have a big camp meeting to talk about what to expect at camp that year and we always discuss how camp is to help the young women grow closer to their Heavenly Father and to build and stregthen their testimonies but they never mentioned that it would do the same thing for the leaders that go :)!!! I love going to camp because it reminds me that all those things I tell the girls still apply to me, I am still a daughter of God who loves me, and I am still here to do great things and be an example of a follower of Christ to those around me :) I love Jesus and I hope it shows in the way I am and the way I treat other people. I know i am not perfect and that is ok, that is why we have Jesus and the atonement!!! Until next time!!!
ps sry no pics lol...i don't think i took one
Day 1: Tuesday, Driving to camp
Fun and uneventful, the girls did try to get us to listen to plain white t's and justin bieber (gag lol) but we listened to EFY and Young Women broadcasts instead and that made it awesome!!! We got to camp and found out that not only were we no where near the lodge this time but in fact were in the furthest campsite from it...lol my poor gimpy foot and i had to trek up to the lodge everyday from like 100 yards or more away but it was ok it didn't hurt and I didn't mind, but it would have been nice to be close, however, the campsite in the back of the camp ground is most beautiful and more foresty so that was nice :D!!! The rest of the day was filled with fun and spiritual getting to know you activites. We had one girl who was a little home sick but she called her mom and it helped her feel a little better.
Day 2: Wednesday, First Full day at camp
For me this day was filled with sitting around the main lodge and wondering around the main part of camp, as i was too gimpy to really do a lot of walking. My foot didn't bother me as much as my hips did at the end of the days because of the wierd height difference in my legs because of the boot. But I got to hang around with ladies I hardly ever see and that was fun. My little homesick girl was still pretty homesick at the beginning of the day but i was watching her closely all day since her group was just outside the main lodge and she seemed to be having a good time as the day went on and she was smiling by the end of it. I think this was the night we did skits in a bag which is always a big hit with the girls they love it, and our girls did amazing.."Don't be a drag, just be a queen!!!"
Day 3: Thursday, Hike day, Bishops night, and Mothers without borders
This is usually my favorite day of camp because of the hikes but sadly this year i did not get to go on the hikes so instead I helped the ladies prepare for Bishops night by making tons of little plaques with the temple on them that say "Families are Forever". Later after the hikes I got to hear all about them and they sounded wonderful and spiritual and amazing esp Sister Padgetts props to you girl, I wish I could have been there for it!!! As we were waiting for the bishops to show up, Britta and I got a chance to talk to Sis Woodbury all about her trip to Africa with Mothers without Borders. Needless to say I am SOOOO going as soon as i can!!! Bishops night was fun and as we all know bishops night also means dutch oven cobbler..only the BEST thing on the planet for real!!!!!
Day 4: Friday, Last full day of camp, and Testimony meeting
Last full day of camp is bitter sweet :) we told the girls to be packing a little in their free time so that we didn't have to be too late getting home on saturday and out of there the next morning. The day wen't off without a hitch. Then it was time to prepare for the testimony meeting. This was amazing, sis Buckhoff did an amazing job planning for this testimony prep, the spirit was so strong that there wasn't a dry eye in that camp. During the testimony sharing, most of our girls got up and I know that all of them will next year. This was the point at which I was certain Jesus was about to show up lol...it was that powerful :)
Day 5: Saturday, time to go home
YES!!! and Sad at the same time, I wanted to go home to my kiddos and my AC but I didn't want to lose the amazing spirit that I felt at camp. I have found ways since being home to keep it but it isn't nearly as strong.
All in all camp was amazing this year. You know, in Feb or early in the year we always have a big camp meeting to talk about what to expect at camp that year and we always discuss how camp is to help the young women grow closer to their Heavenly Father and to build and stregthen their testimonies but they never mentioned that it would do the same thing for the leaders that go :)!!! I love going to camp because it reminds me that all those things I tell the girls still apply to me, I am still a daughter of God who loves me, and I am still here to do great things and be an example of a follower of Christ to those around me :) I love Jesus and I hope it shows in the way I am and the way I treat other people. I know i am not perfect and that is ok, that is why we have Jesus and the atonement!!! Until next time!!!
ps sry no pics lol...i don't think i took one
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