Dear Future Jasmine,
Hey girl!!! How are YOU doing today??? Chances are you are not doing so great, which is why you are reading this letter. Because it is being written to remind you of some majorly happy feelings that you have right now!!! There is no way to bottle the amazing feelings of today so instead I am writing them down for you so you will remember them!!! So here we go...
-remember that time when you played in the starting jam of the season opener for your roller derby team, yeah girl that happened, the coach chose YOU to be in that line up because he trusted you and he knew what you could do, because you my dear, are awesome!!!
-remember when the line you were in held the opposing jammer and your teams jammer got lead, first jam of the night, yeah girl that happened to you and your team!!!!
-remember how you felt when our coach and teammates trusted you with the star because they had the faith in you to score points, yeah girl it happened to YOU!!!
-remember that jam where you broke thru first and got lead jammer then called it before the other team could score points...yes girl YOU did that!!!
-remember that jam where you jumped the freaking apex and landed it!!!!! Yes girl all those practice jumps helped and all that visualization helped, yes girl YOU did that!!!!
-remember when you were standing on the line to jam and the other team was warning each other that you were super strong and they needed to be ready...yes girl they were talking about YOU!!!!
-remember that jam when you were coming around turn 4 and Titz Mcghee tried to take you out Skully/Blue/Gory style on lane 4 and you juked her and took lane 1...yes girl YOU did that!!
-remember when your coach asked you to spend more time backward and you did, yes girl YOU are strong enough to do that!!!!
-remember how much your teammates cheered for you, and how much they love you, not just because you did something awesome but because you are their derby sister, yes girl they love YOU!!!
-but most of all remember that none of this would be possible without your amazing coaches and team/league mates. They push you, hit you, juke you, so you will be stronger the next time.
Future Jasmine, remember these things on those days when it seems like nothing you do is enough and when you come home from having a crappy practice, and feeling like you suck. YOU DO NOT, you are awesome, and everyone has crappy days. But you are doing amazing things and making amazing strides!!! Keep it up girl, the cream rises to the top and you are on your way. It might be a helluva long journey yet, but you have taken some major steps toward your future awesomeness!!! I love you girl, and so do your friends and family!!!
xoxo
Love always
Past Jasmine
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Early morning ramblings.....Roller Derby Fresh Meat
Dear Fresh Meat,
Thank you so much for joining our league! I am so glad you finally took that plunge, to try something "completely crazy" and put wheels on your feet to learn a new sport! You may not realize this now, but all us veterans have been exactly where you are! We were new girls, whose families either supported us 100 million percent, or they were scared for us, or didn't understand, but trusted us anyway. We were all excited when we laced up those skates, and strapped on that safety gear. Don't forget the mouthguard :-). I was so happy to see you all last night trying those hard things over and over again. It makes my heart happy to see you all. I believe you are doing one of the most important things you can do for yourself on earth. There are things you will learn about yourself, sides to yourself you never knew you had. There is a fierce side of you that is on its way out and once it gets out, your life will change. And inevitably there will come a time when someone will try to cage your fierce beast. DO NOT LET THEM!!! Do not get bogged down by anyone in this world, or by the politics of roller derby. And in my opinion there is only one way to stay out of that bog, and that is to be the one to constantly help build up your derby sisters. You are not here to compete with anyone but yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today, fall trying something new, then get up and try again until you don't fall anymore. Encourage your sisters, always, because that's what we are my friends sisters. The moment you strapped on those skates, you became my sister, and I love my sisters!!!! So again, thank you freshies, meat, rollerbabies, thank you for joining my derby family, our derby family. Love, Slugs, and bruisess.
Gypsy Girl
Thank you so much for joining our league! I am so glad you finally took that plunge, to try something "completely crazy" and put wheels on your feet to learn a new sport! You may not realize this now, but all us veterans have been exactly where you are! We were new girls, whose families either supported us 100 million percent, or they were scared for us, or didn't understand, but trusted us anyway. We were all excited when we laced up those skates, and strapped on that safety gear. Don't forget the mouthguard :-). I was so happy to see you all last night trying those hard things over and over again. It makes my heart happy to see you all. I believe you are doing one of the most important things you can do for yourself on earth. There are things you will learn about yourself, sides to yourself you never knew you had. There is a fierce side of you that is on its way out and once it gets out, your life will change. And inevitably there will come a time when someone will try to cage your fierce beast. DO NOT LET THEM!!! Do not get bogged down by anyone in this world, or by the politics of roller derby. And in my opinion there is only one way to stay out of that bog, and that is to be the one to constantly help build up your derby sisters. You are not here to compete with anyone but yourself. Be better tomorrow than you were today, fall trying something new, then get up and try again until you don't fall anymore. Encourage your sisters, always, because that's what we are my friends sisters. The moment you strapped on those skates, you became my sister, and I love my sisters!!!! So again, thank you freshies, meat, rollerbabies, thank you for joining my derby family, our derby family. Love, Slugs, and bruisess.
Gypsy Girl
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
morning ramblings.....body loving = body shaming
disclaimer: this is being typed on my phone, excuse spelling and grammatical errors please!!!
Its early in the morning, I am sitting in the parking lot at my church while my oldest is in early morning seminary. I am listening to Kidd Kraddick In The Morning, and occasionally there is a music break. Well during the last one, my local radio station played that super cute song "All About That Bass", I love this song for a lot of reasons, one of which is how stinking cute the gal is who sings it, and how as a non "stick figure silicone Barbie doll", even when I am at a healthy weight, I am in love with the message. Then I thought about my daughter. She IS skinny, she will always be a skinny, tiny girl. She is shaped just like her grandmother and great grandmothers, both of who had an 18 inch waist. And I began to think, and worry that my love for this song, which leads to a conversation about weight and size and what men want etc, may someday have a negative effect on her self esteem. I am not saying folks should not love their bodies, but there is a line in the song that says, "my mama said boys like a little more booty to hold at night", what future effects could that statement have on my daughter? I started to think about how I should not make such a big deal about being fat, round, soft, bootylicious, curvy etc. I just had a baby, and am very physically uncomfortable with my leftover baby weight, I am exercising so its going away, but still, I don't like it, so I am not a "love my out of shape body" type person. But it got me thinking, that there are people out there, who love their curves to the point of making girls who are thin, feel like boys won't like them because of claims that men don't want a bone to hold at night etc. I don't ever want my daughter to feel there is anything wrong with being thin. And I am feeling super guilty for going on about this song the other day. I guess my point is, body loving is sometimes shaming on someone else. Love your body for sure, but don't be a cause of pain for someone else by implying that a man wont like a woman who is opposite your body type. I have had the unique opportunity this morning to see this from both sides. Just a thought. Happy Tuesday!!!
Its early in the morning, I am sitting in the parking lot at my church while my oldest is in early morning seminary. I am listening to Kidd Kraddick In The Morning, and occasionally there is a music break. Well during the last one, my local radio station played that super cute song "All About That Bass", I love this song for a lot of reasons, one of which is how stinking cute the gal is who sings it, and how as a non "stick figure silicone Barbie doll", even when I am at a healthy weight, I am in love with the message. Then I thought about my daughter. She IS skinny, she will always be a skinny, tiny girl. She is shaped just like her grandmother and great grandmothers, both of who had an 18 inch waist. And I began to think, and worry that my love for this song, which leads to a conversation about weight and size and what men want etc, may someday have a negative effect on her self esteem. I am not saying folks should not love their bodies, but there is a line in the song that says, "my mama said boys like a little more booty to hold at night", what future effects could that statement have on my daughter? I started to think about how I should not make such a big deal about being fat, round, soft, bootylicious, curvy etc. I just had a baby, and am very physically uncomfortable with my leftover baby weight, I am exercising so its going away, but still, I don't like it, so I am not a "love my out of shape body" type person. But it got me thinking, that there are people out there, who love their curves to the point of making girls who are thin, feel like boys won't like them because of claims that men don't want a bone to hold at night etc. I don't ever want my daughter to feel there is anything wrong with being thin. And I am feeling super guilty for going on about this song the other day. I guess my point is, body loving is sometimes shaming on someone else. Love your body for sure, but don't be a cause of pain for someone else by implying that a man wont like a woman who is opposite your body type. I have had the unique opportunity this morning to see this from both sides. Just a thought. Happy Tuesday!!!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Why so secretive......
Ok, I have a few minutes so I am sitting down to answer the burning question you all have...why did I stay so tight lipped on social media about my pregnancy with Ender. Well, it's a very long story, but as they say, begin at the beginning and go on until you get to the end, so here goes.
Last year, after I graduated from college, a year ago today actually ^_^, Jacob and I got this hair brained idea to have another kid. So we thru caution to the wind and a couple of weeks later, I was pregnant. I was excited, apprehensive, nervous, etc etc...but I was also thinking, that something just wasn't quite right, I could not put my finger on it, but I knew something felt a little off. In fact when I told the head of the training committee of my roller derby league that I was going to be off skates, I asked her not to say anything to non-essential folks because, something felt weird. So I was being cautious, I only told the gals in my carpool because, I was riding with them, so obviously they would be all "ummm Gypsy why aren't you skating" even though all derby girls know that if a team mate suddenly shows up to practice off skates, it can only be one injury...the blessed 9 month injury ^_^. So I continued life, went to derby and even danced at the Mirage a time or two. We were getting ready to move in July, and we also had to drive out to Nebraska for Jacob's grandma's funeral. Well, on June 11, I started bleeding. We went to the ER, they did an ultrasound, and everything was fine, at that point, baby had a strong heart beat, but my placenta was bleeding. They told me it may stop, or it may be the beginning of a miscarriage. So I was scared. It was sad to me that I was going to possibly lose my baby. So we went home, and I laid down and watched "what to expect when you are expecting", and about half way thru the movie, I started having contractions, because that is what it is ladies and gents, contractions, not cramps or pain, its labour, and then there was A LOT of blood. I was bleeding for a few days before I could get into see the doctor again, they did another ultrasound, and my little baby that was alive and well just days before, was gone. All I saw was a screen with an empty womb. Now I have studied science, and I am religious, but neither one of those could prepare me for the sadness I felt when I realized what had happened to me. Logically I knew it was a "good" thing. Miscarriage is the body's way of aborting a pregnancy when there is something wrong with the early development of a fetus. I was about 7 weeks along when I had my miscarriage. But the emptiness I felt was beyond imaginable. But lucky for me, I have great friends, and a great family who helped me through it. I got up, and got on with my life. I was sad, my kids were sad because we had told them, but I was being strong for them and for me.
We packed and moved...and that is another story altogether that I AM NOT getting into right now lol.
We got to San Antonio and I met my new roller derby team, I started going to practice and everything was getting normal again. My body leveled out, really quickly actually, it was only a month after my miscarriage that things got back to normal. But August came, and my period did not......and I was like...WHAT is going on???? I was on all sorts of blogs and forums looking for information about why I would skip a period after a miscarriage. Finally the madness went on long enough, I told Jacob I thought I might be pregnant, I took a test...several actually. And they were all positive. And I was scared. I went to the doctor to get a prescription refilled a few days later, and I told him I suspected I was pregnant and he had me do a blood test. When I was at the pharmacy picking up the prescription the pharmacist handed me info about the meds that said in HUGE BOLD LETTERS....DO NOT TAKE WHILE PREGNANT. I had been taking this medicine for a while, I took it during the pregnancy I lost, and also during this current one. I asked the pharmacist what could possibly happen and he rattled off a list of things including miscarriage and birth defects. Well needless to say I didn't ever take another pill, and I began panicking that day.
I went to the OB and was seeing an attending physician, which in the army is a big deal, mostly you will see residents or midwives but because of the medication I had been on I saw an attending, and he was awesome, he and his resident were amazing. I saw them on a Tuesday, they did an ultrasound, and dated me at 6 weeks pregnant, I went back the next week, they did another ultrasound and the baby had grown ^_^ so they were optimistic that it would be fine. I however was not. I was scared to death. Miscarriage is physically painful and mentally painful and I did not want to go thru it again. So a few days later I told my parents and sister, who by the way told me about a week or 2 before I told her I was pregnant that she was pregnant, funny ole world ain't it. But I asked them not to tell anyone. I did not post on social media, because I didn't want to have to deal with telling folks if something bad happened. I left it to my husband to tell his family, of course he sort of told them lol, he told his mom and dad, but failed to tell any of his brothers and sisters...sorry guys, that was totally on him lol. So I was pregnant!!! I continued to be involved with my derby league, and I was dancing still, until my belly got in the way. Photos of me were chest up only to keep the world from finding out. I told my closest friends about my pregnancy but that was it. I was cautiously optimistic. I didn't even buy an outfit for the little guy until I was 7 months pregnant, and didn't open any of the baby stuff I had until he came home. So that is why I didn't say anything, I was scared that he was going to be lost, like the last one, or that he was going to die shortly after birth because of the meds. One thing I must share that is so very important to me, was that on all those miscarriage forums I was on, the moms spoke of their angel babies. I didn't feel like I had an angel baby, I thought something was wrong with me, but when I turned up pregnant with Ender, something inside me just knew, it was the same exact spirit. If you are a believer, which I am, you can maybe understand, he is the same baby, he just had to wait a little longer.
Fast forward to his birth, they made me have him 2 weeks early because of my health, it wasn't bad, but I used to be extremely overweight and because of that had really bad blood pressure so they monitored me very closely. The birth was traumatic and fast, that's another blog too. And when he was born, he spend the first 39 hours of his life in the NICU because he couldn't breathe. He came out blue, and stayed that way until they inflated his lungs with positive pressure, he didn't need extra oxygen, just a little help getting his lungs to transition to breathing air. That is why I didn't post about him until the day after he was born, again, I didn't want to put it out there, just incase.
Ok, now I know some folks are mad, and you can be mad, but its my life, my decision, my body. I chose to deal with it the way I felt was best for me, and that is all that matters. But what is awesome, is that I have my sweet little Ender, and he is perfect, and happy, and I love him more than I ever thought I could.
Last year, after I graduated from college, a year ago today actually ^_^, Jacob and I got this hair brained idea to have another kid. So we thru caution to the wind and a couple of weeks later, I was pregnant. I was excited, apprehensive, nervous, etc etc...but I was also thinking, that something just wasn't quite right, I could not put my finger on it, but I knew something felt a little off. In fact when I told the head of the training committee of my roller derby league that I was going to be off skates, I asked her not to say anything to non-essential folks because, something felt weird. So I was being cautious, I only told the gals in my carpool because, I was riding with them, so obviously they would be all "ummm Gypsy why aren't you skating" even though all derby girls know that if a team mate suddenly shows up to practice off skates, it can only be one injury...the blessed 9 month injury ^_^. So I continued life, went to derby and even danced at the Mirage a time or two. We were getting ready to move in July, and we also had to drive out to Nebraska for Jacob's grandma's funeral. Well, on June 11, I started bleeding. We went to the ER, they did an ultrasound, and everything was fine, at that point, baby had a strong heart beat, but my placenta was bleeding. They told me it may stop, or it may be the beginning of a miscarriage. So I was scared. It was sad to me that I was going to possibly lose my baby. So we went home, and I laid down and watched "what to expect when you are expecting", and about half way thru the movie, I started having contractions, because that is what it is ladies and gents, contractions, not cramps or pain, its labour, and then there was A LOT of blood. I was bleeding for a few days before I could get into see the doctor again, they did another ultrasound, and my little baby that was alive and well just days before, was gone. All I saw was a screen with an empty womb. Now I have studied science, and I am religious, but neither one of those could prepare me for the sadness I felt when I realized what had happened to me. Logically I knew it was a "good" thing. Miscarriage is the body's way of aborting a pregnancy when there is something wrong with the early development of a fetus. I was about 7 weeks along when I had my miscarriage. But the emptiness I felt was beyond imaginable. But lucky for me, I have great friends, and a great family who helped me through it. I got up, and got on with my life. I was sad, my kids were sad because we had told them, but I was being strong for them and for me.
We packed and moved...and that is another story altogether that I AM NOT getting into right now lol.
We got to San Antonio and I met my new roller derby team, I started going to practice and everything was getting normal again. My body leveled out, really quickly actually, it was only a month after my miscarriage that things got back to normal. But August came, and my period did not......and I was like...WHAT is going on???? I was on all sorts of blogs and forums looking for information about why I would skip a period after a miscarriage. Finally the madness went on long enough, I told Jacob I thought I might be pregnant, I took a test...several actually. And they were all positive. And I was scared. I went to the doctor to get a prescription refilled a few days later, and I told him I suspected I was pregnant and he had me do a blood test. When I was at the pharmacy picking up the prescription the pharmacist handed me info about the meds that said in HUGE BOLD LETTERS....DO NOT TAKE WHILE PREGNANT. I had been taking this medicine for a while, I took it during the pregnancy I lost, and also during this current one. I asked the pharmacist what could possibly happen and he rattled off a list of things including miscarriage and birth defects. Well needless to say I didn't ever take another pill, and I began panicking that day.
I went to the OB and was seeing an attending physician, which in the army is a big deal, mostly you will see residents or midwives but because of the medication I had been on I saw an attending, and he was awesome, he and his resident were amazing. I saw them on a Tuesday, they did an ultrasound, and dated me at 6 weeks pregnant, I went back the next week, they did another ultrasound and the baby had grown ^_^ so they were optimistic that it would be fine. I however was not. I was scared to death. Miscarriage is physically painful and mentally painful and I did not want to go thru it again. So a few days later I told my parents and sister, who by the way told me about a week or 2 before I told her I was pregnant that she was pregnant, funny ole world ain't it. But I asked them not to tell anyone. I did not post on social media, because I didn't want to have to deal with telling folks if something bad happened. I left it to my husband to tell his family, of course he sort of told them lol, he told his mom and dad, but failed to tell any of his brothers and sisters...sorry guys, that was totally on him lol. So I was pregnant!!! I continued to be involved with my derby league, and I was dancing still, until my belly got in the way. Photos of me were chest up only to keep the world from finding out. I told my closest friends about my pregnancy but that was it. I was cautiously optimistic. I didn't even buy an outfit for the little guy until I was 7 months pregnant, and didn't open any of the baby stuff I had until he came home. So that is why I didn't say anything, I was scared that he was going to be lost, like the last one, or that he was going to die shortly after birth because of the meds. One thing I must share that is so very important to me, was that on all those miscarriage forums I was on, the moms spoke of their angel babies. I didn't feel like I had an angel baby, I thought something was wrong with me, but when I turned up pregnant with Ender, something inside me just knew, it was the same exact spirit. If you are a believer, which I am, you can maybe understand, he is the same baby, he just had to wait a little longer.
Fast forward to his birth, they made me have him 2 weeks early because of my health, it wasn't bad, but I used to be extremely overweight and because of that had really bad blood pressure so they monitored me very closely. The birth was traumatic and fast, that's another blog too. And when he was born, he spend the first 39 hours of his life in the NICU because he couldn't breathe. He came out blue, and stayed that way until they inflated his lungs with positive pressure, he didn't need extra oxygen, just a little help getting his lungs to transition to breathing air. That is why I didn't post about him until the day after he was born, again, I didn't want to put it out there, just incase.
Ok, now I know some folks are mad, and you can be mad, but its my life, my decision, my body. I chose to deal with it the way I felt was best for me, and that is all that matters. But what is awesome, is that I have my sweet little Ender, and he is perfect, and happy, and I love him more than I ever thought I could.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Things I have learned in 2 weeks....
So I just finished my second full week of homeschooling my kids, and here is what I have learned.
1. I can't wait until next year when I have my "real" curriculum!!! I mean we do a lot, and they are definitely learning new things, not necessarily things that are above them, but things that have been pushed aside due to the annoyingly ridiculous standardized test. Because you know, all people learn the same way, at the same pace, and understand everything the same way at the same time -_-....right
2. Things that were once considered important in school, clearly are not even being taught anymore, like not even a little. Oddly enough the subjects that the kids and I spend the most time on together are language arts, and spelling skills. I am pretty sure its really important to know the parts of speech in your language, but I am SHOCKED at the amount of teaching I have had to do in this area. You see we just grabbed a year long curriculum and we are doing multiple lessons a day because they already know most of the stuff so we will be done when school lets out for the other kids. But I have had to teach them analogies, how to use a paper dictionary and thesaurus, proofreading (like slowing down so you can catch mistakes like spelling and punctuation etc), and how to identify letter patters that create vowel sounds.....what is going on in the public school system??? Anyway it really makes me glad I pulled them when I did.
3. Kids in public school, here anyway, eat lunch WAY TOO LATE!!!! Its no wonder that the kids are bouncing off the walls and crazy, off task, and losing their minds. They are hungry and thirsty. Who on earth can concentrate on anything if they are hungry, thirsty, or have to use the bathroom. I know I can't, I have to be hydrated to even think straight, let alone sit down and try to learn something. Gwen use to eat lunch at 11:45 am after eating breakfast at about 7:00 am, and Gavin would not eat until nearly 1:00 pm. So for Gwen that means, no food or water for almost 5 hours, and Gavin almost 6 hours with no food or water. My kids still eat around 7-7:30 but they have access to water whenever they want it, and don't have to beg to go to the bathroom, and by 11:00 am they are getting really antsy for not only a break but some food. So I give it to them, between 11-12 they eat and get to go away from school for a "brain break" usually one gets on the computer and the other plays in their room, or we all go outside and ride bikes when its not super gross out. And yes I let Gavin play minecraft during the day for about 20 min, you would be surprised how much 20 min of non school activity can recharge a brain. I get it, why doesn't the public school system get that??? Oh wait, they totally use to, until standardized test scores took precedence over actually learning.
4. We get thru 10 subjects a day, before school public school lets out here....WOW. Now I know that has A LOT to do with the fact that our ratio is 2:1 but still. I happen to know for a fact that in public schools right now, the kids are ALL DAY LONG PRACTICING FOR THE STUPID STANDARDIZED TEST!!! The teachers and administrators are pushing off learning for stressing these kids out on how to pass a test, because we all know one test totally 100% defines a year in a person's life.....SARCASM.....Whoever thought it would be a grand idea to base the amount of money and incentives a public school gets should be based on the best test scores was a fool. I am so glad I didn't get my degree in education, and I am so glad I didn't get hired to teach in this awful district. I would have been heartbroken to come into the public school system to find out that I could not teach the kids about Shakespeare and art, and script analysis, and acting ( I was applying for drama teacher jobs) and I had to teach to a test.
5. Dealing with a wandering mind is easy, when you can do it one on one. One of my kids gets distracted pretty easily, especially if I open the blinds while we are at the table doing school. But you know what, I asked, "why are you getting so distracted?', the answer "can you close the blinds? When they are open I get distracted." O_O are you kidding me, a child, knows what they need...NO WAY...SARCASM....Its amazing what you can learn from a child from a 2 minute conversation, and actually listening to them.
6. Conversation is SO IMPORTANT!!!!!! Not only conversation between teacher and student but also student and student. I do allow them to talk, when their conversation has to do with the lesson at hand, sometimes their lessons are the same, so they can bounce ideas off each other, and sometimes the just talk about stuff. Example: Social Studies yesterday, Gavin was learning about the Boston Tea Party, and Gwen was learning about The Star Spangled Banner. They talked back and forth a bit about both. Gwen asked about the Boston tea party, and I let Gavin answer her, Gavin asked about the national anthem, I let Gwen answer. When they got off that topic then I reigned them in back to their assignments. YAY FOR DISCUSSION!!!!! If there is one thing I miss from college, its sitting in a classroom or the green room just discussing things, movies, plays, art, editing, music, EVERYTHING!!!! I call this phenomenon, the foundation for creating thinkers and leaders, not followers ^_^
7. Foundations are the most important thing EVER. We all know that if a building doesn't have a stable foundation its going to crumble and fall. Well, these past 2 weeks I have learned that elementary school is a place to build foundations. They start really simple, and each year the same materials and subjects are used but expanded upon. You build up and fill in cracks each year in all the basic subjects, and guess what....by middle school they are ready to start building up frame work!!! That frame work, IMHO, gets built clear into high school, and then you start filling in the walls and floors and stuff. Then in college that is when the finishing touches go in, carpet, paint, light fixtures, decorative moldings etc...and then the building is ready for real life!!!! If your child chooses to go to college. If they want to attend a trade school, join the military, or skip college altogether (I hope not but they are their own people) then you can tailor high school to prepare them for whatever they need, because guess what....they have a strong foundation, and strong framework!!!! YAY I am so very excited about the prospect of being able to tailor my children's education to what they want to do when they "grow up".
Anyway these are just a few things I have observed these past 2 weeks. ^_^
1. I can't wait until next year when I have my "real" curriculum!!! I mean we do a lot, and they are definitely learning new things, not necessarily things that are above them, but things that have been pushed aside due to the annoyingly ridiculous standardized test. Because you know, all people learn the same way, at the same pace, and understand everything the same way at the same time -_-....right
2. Things that were once considered important in school, clearly are not even being taught anymore, like not even a little. Oddly enough the subjects that the kids and I spend the most time on together are language arts, and spelling skills. I am pretty sure its really important to know the parts of speech in your language, but I am SHOCKED at the amount of teaching I have had to do in this area. You see we just grabbed a year long curriculum and we are doing multiple lessons a day because they already know most of the stuff so we will be done when school lets out for the other kids. But I have had to teach them analogies, how to use a paper dictionary and thesaurus, proofreading (like slowing down so you can catch mistakes like spelling and punctuation etc), and how to identify letter patters that create vowel sounds.....what is going on in the public school system??? Anyway it really makes me glad I pulled them when I did.
3. Kids in public school, here anyway, eat lunch WAY TOO LATE!!!! Its no wonder that the kids are bouncing off the walls and crazy, off task, and losing their minds. They are hungry and thirsty. Who on earth can concentrate on anything if they are hungry, thirsty, or have to use the bathroom. I know I can't, I have to be hydrated to even think straight, let alone sit down and try to learn something. Gwen use to eat lunch at 11:45 am after eating breakfast at about 7:00 am, and Gavin would not eat until nearly 1:00 pm. So for Gwen that means, no food or water for almost 5 hours, and Gavin almost 6 hours with no food or water. My kids still eat around 7-7:30 but they have access to water whenever they want it, and don't have to beg to go to the bathroom, and by 11:00 am they are getting really antsy for not only a break but some food. So I give it to them, between 11-12 they eat and get to go away from school for a "brain break" usually one gets on the computer and the other plays in their room, or we all go outside and ride bikes when its not super gross out. And yes I let Gavin play minecraft during the day for about 20 min, you would be surprised how much 20 min of non school activity can recharge a brain. I get it, why doesn't the public school system get that??? Oh wait, they totally use to, until standardized test scores took precedence over actually learning.
4. We get thru 10 subjects a day, before school public school lets out here....WOW. Now I know that has A LOT to do with the fact that our ratio is 2:1 but still. I happen to know for a fact that in public schools right now, the kids are ALL DAY LONG PRACTICING FOR THE STUPID STANDARDIZED TEST!!! The teachers and administrators are pushing off learning for stressing these kids out on how to pass a test, because we all know one test totally 100% defines a year in a person's life.....SARCASM.....Whoever thought it would be a grand idea to base the amount of money and incentives a public school gets should be based on the best test scores was a fool. I am so glad I didn't get my degree in education, and I am so glad I didn't get hired to teach in this awful district. I would have been heartbroken to come into the public school system to find out that I could not teach the kids about Shakespeare and art, and script analysis, and acting ( I was applying for drama teacher jobs) and I had to teach to a test.
5. Dealing with a wandering mind is easy, when you can do it one on one. One of my kids gets distracted pretty easily, especially if I open the blinds while we are at the table doing school. But you know what, I asked, "why are you getting so distracted?', the answer "can you close the blinds? When they are open I get distracted." O_O are you kidding me, a child, knows what they need...NO WAY...SARCASM....Its amazing what you can learn from a child from a 2 minute conversation, and actually listening to them.
6. Conversation is SO IMPORTANT!!!!!! Not only conversation between teacher and student but also student and student. I do allow them to talk, when their conversation has to do with the lesson at hand, sometimes their lessons are the same, so they can bounce ideas off each other, and sometimes the just talk about stuff. Example: Social Studies yesterday, Gavin was learning about the Boston Tea Party, and Gwen was learning about The Star Spangled Banner. They talked back and forth a bit about both. Gwen asked about the Boston tea party, and I let Gavin answer her, Gavin asked about the national anthem, I let Gwen answer. When they got off that topic then I reigned them in back to their assignments. YAY FOR DISCUSSION!!!!! If there is one thing I miss from college, its sitting in a classroom or the green room just discussing things, movies, plays, art, editing, music, EVERYTHING!!!! I call this phenomenon, the foundation for creating thinkers and leaders, not followers ^_^
7. Foundations are the most important thing EVER. We all know that if a building doesn't have a stable foundation its going to crumble and fall. Well, these past 2 weeks I have learned that elementary school is a place to build foundations. They start really simple, and each year the same materials and subjects are used but expanded upon. You build up and fill in cracks each year in all the basic subjects, and guess what....by middle school they are ready to start building up frame work!!! That frame work, IMHO, gets built clear into high school, and then you start filling in the walls and floors and stuff. Then in college that is when the finishing touches go in, carpet, paint, light fixtures, decorative moldings etc...and then the building is ready for real life!!!! If your child chooses to go to college. If they want to attend a trade school, join the military, or skip college altogether (I hope not but they are their own people) then you can tailor high school to prepare them for whatever they need, because guess what....they have a strong foundation, and strong framework!!!! YAY I am so very excited about the prospect of being able to tailor my children's education to what they want to do when they "grow up".
Anyway these are just a few things I have observed these past 2 weeks. ^_^
Friday, March 21, 2014
Why'd I do it you ask?????
Ok so I have been raving and ranting and being annoyed on Facebook for quite a few weeks about the school system here in San Antonio. Well I finally had enough of it and pulled my kids out. Many of you want to know exactly why. Well I shall tell you. Allow me to unfold for you a tale that begins many moons ago, before we even moved out of GA. Ok so while we lived in GA my kids went to Joseph Martin Elementary School, I wasn't their number 1 fan, but I did love my kids teachers immensely, and I felt, for the most part, that the school had its crap together. Until the new crazy, micromanaging principal came along and messed a bunch of stuff up, then I was like...uummmm no thanks. But I was not in a place where I could homeschool my kids because I was trying to finish up college. I figured, its my last semester, I will let them finish out the year, then we are moving to Texas, and things will be better. So I did. The end of my semester came, followed by the end of the kids school year. A crap ton of home improvements later and we finally got to San Antonio. It was hot here, REALLY hot, like insanely hot, like I wanted to kill someone all the time hot. And there are people everywhere, and its miserable to do anything or go anywhere.
Anyway, school started, and it seemed ok. Gavin's teacher was sort of douchey and talked too much, just to hear himself talk. Gwen's teacher was a sweet awesome lady. Things were going well, then all the sudden they were not. Gavin was always talking about "I hate school" and "I don't want to be here" and "I want to go back to Georgia". Gwen was fine at first. Come to find out, Gavin was being bullied by this kid in his class, and he would just randomly punch him, and other kids in the face, then say he didn't, so he never got in trouble. So over and over again Gavin would tell me these things, finally one day it got to a point where enough was e-freaking-nough. I went in and spoke to the counselor, and what do you know. The next day something was finally done about it, oh and it was at this point I found out that the douchey teacher was gone, and Gavin had already had not one more, but 2 more teachers this year....this was in January BTW. So we are up to 3 teachers so far in 5 months.
Fast forward to March. Of course the bullying continued for Gavin, and he finally got another new teacher, this one stayed. But at this point the damage had already been done for him. He was over it, and begging to be homeschooled. So we all talked as a family and decided that we were going to do it next school year, that the kids would finish out this year and we would start fresh.
I began researching curriculum, talking to other homeschool moms and friends, and generally deciding what I wanted to do. There are so many options out there to homeschool your kids, but we decided on designing our own, based on Pearson Education Publications (I think that's what they are called). They have subjects by grade level and you can look at the books online before you purchase them to see if it is a book you want to use with your kids. Some subjects have many options, others not as much, but all have more than one. I knew I didn't want a religious based curriculum because I can make up my own religious curriculum with all the materials available from the church. And I don't want my kids to learn religion in science, I want them to learn religion AND science, so they can use their own minds and receive their own personal revelations, when the time comes, to truly decide how they think it all works. Anyway, so we have our basics, plus creative writing, religion, art, music, PE, computer, and a whole lot of other REALLY FREAKING AMAZING STUFF!!!! I mean my kids are going to be geniuses!!!! Best part is, all of it will cost less than $600 for them both for the year. Not bad I say!!! I knew I didn't want to deal with any of the online public schools because that is what I am trying to get away from, public schools, just thought I would add that in there ^_^.
So we have stuff picked out for next year, I have formatted my lesson plan book, attendance sheets, picked out when school will start and end with appropriate holidays in between so they kids have 180 days of instruction. Some states require you keep records like this, Texas is not one, but Georgia is, and we are going back there when we leave here, so it made sense to me to go ahead and start using it, and keeping records and portfolios on both of them. I found a website I can use to build transcripts, and report cards, and even one day order them a diploma for graduating from their mama's home school!!! That's not what will go on the document, but its cool that I can present them with a diploma at the end. What about state tests??? Well some states require homeschool kids to take them, Texas does not, but Georgia does. In Georgia homeschool kids take these tests in 3, 6, 9, and 12 grade. Am I worried about my kids passing them??? Not even a little, they will be learning so much above and beyond what the kids in public school are learning that they will do EXCELLENT and far surpass any score they would have gotten had they only been taught to take a test in public school.
We are ready!!! Then crap hit the fan flying a million miles an hour. Gwen had an issue, a BIG one that again, the administration was trying to brush under the rug. We reported it on Wednesday, they called me on Friday,"there is nothing we can do because the other student said it didn't happen." Gwen said, thru tears, "but it did happen." So I had my husband go up there. It was about 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the principal. He walked in, and the office staff did not acknowledge him, they were doing each others hair. When they finally did acknowledge him they said, "we don't know where she is and we are off the clock." (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) So he left, when he got home we contacted a friend whose husband happens to be lawyer. He told us what to do. This all happened Friday before spring break.
Spring break I spent sleepless nights, worrying about one thing or another, what would happen when she went back, would this kid bother her again, who knows. Monday morning rolled around, and I went straight into the office and said, "so what are we going to do about this?" They were surprised because I was there, still trying to get something done. You see they figured I was one of those parents who just don't give a crap. HA no honey not me. I may also have mentioned I spoke to an attorney. ;-) Within MINUTES the school counselor was in there, why wasn't she involved before??? Too much hassle I guess. She interviewed Gwen again, and I was promised that the child who assaulted Gwen would also be interviewed again. The principal said she would call me and let me know what happened. Within 3 hours, she called me, told me the kid confessed, the police report was filed, and CPS notified. See what happens when you "lawyer up" ;-)!!!!
When I picked up my kids from school that day, it was for the last time. Gavin was so thrilled!!! Gwen's teacher was sad, Gwen was sad and happy at the same time, and I was sad for her teacher, she really is a sweet lady!!! I pulled them out!!! I wanted to wait until the school got off its lazy butt and did something about this situation first though. I left with a clear conscience, that I have done the right thing.
Gavin, Gwen, and I went straight to Lakeshore Learning store and picked up some stuff for our home school, and then to Barnes and Noble to grab some more stuff, and we hit the ground running Tuesday morning. And guess what, my kids do, scripture study, cursive handwriting, journal/creative writing, social studies, reading, spelling, math, language arts, writing, and science, every day!!! Its about 4 hours total of teaching/working time, with an hour in the middle for lunch and recess. So our day is about 5 hours from start to finish, but you know something....it doesn't feel like it, not at all.
Am I glad I did it, you betcha!!! Now excuse me, I have some kids who don't have hours of homework to hang out with for the evening!!! I think we will go see if Frozen is in the redbox!!!!
Anyway, school started, and it seemed ok. Gavin's teacher was sort of douchey and talked too much, just to hear himself talk. Gwen's teacher was a sweet awesome lady. Things were going well, then all the sudden they were not. Gavin was always talking about "I hate school" and "I don't want to be here" and "I want to go back to Georgia". Gwen was fine at first. Come to find out, Gavin was being bullied by this kid in his class, and he would just randomly punch him, and other kids in the face, then say he didn't, so he never got in trouble. So over and over again Gavin would tell me these things, finally one day it got to a point where enough was e-freaking-nough. I went in and spoke to the counselor, and what do you know. The next day something was finally done about it, oh and it was at this point I found out that the douchey teacher was gone, and Gavin had already had not one more, but 2 more teachers this year....this was in January BTW. So we are up to 3 teachers so far in 5 months.
Fast forward to March. Of course the bullying continued for Gavin, and he finally got another new teacher, this one stayed. But at this point the damage had already been done for him. He was over it, and begging to be homeschooled. So we all talked as a family and decided that we were going to do it next school year, that the kids would finish out this year and we would start fresh.
I began researching curriculum, talking to other homeschool moms and friends, and generally deciding what I wanted to do. There are so many options out there to homeschool your kids, but we decided on designing our own, based on Pearson Education Publications (I think that's what they are called). They have subjects by grade level and you can look at the books online before you purchase them to see if it is a book you want to use with your kids. Some subjects have many options, others not as much, but all have more than one. I knew I didn't want a religious based curriculum because I can make up my own religious curriculum with all the materials available from the church. And I don't want my kids to learn religion in science, I want them to learn religion AND science, so they can use their own minds and receive their own personal revelations, when the time comes, to truly decide how they think it all works. Anyway, so we have our basics, plus creative writing, religion, art, music, PE, computer, and a whole lot of other REALLY FREAKING AMAZING STUFF!!!! I mean my kids are going to be geniuses!!!! Best part is, all of it will cost less than $600 for them both for the year. Not bad I say!!! I knew I didn't want to deal with any of the online public schools because that is what I am trying to get away from, public schools, just thought I would add that in there ^_^.
So we have stuff picked out for next year, I have formatted my lesson plan book, attendance sheets, picked out when school will start and end with appropriate holidays in between so they kids have 180 days of instruction. Some states require you keep records like this, Texas is not one, but Georgia is, and we are going back there when we leave here, so it made sense to me to go ahead and start using it, and keeping records and portfolios on both of them. I found a website I can use to build transcripts, and report cards, and even one day order them a diploma for graduating from their mama's home school!!! That's not what will go on the document, but its cool that I can present them with a diploma at the end. What about state tests??? Well some states require homeschool kids to take them, Texas does not, but Georgia does. In Georgia homeschool kids take these tests in 3, 6, 9, and 12 grade. Am I worried about my kids passing them??? Not even a little, they will be learning so much above and beyond what the kids in public school are learning that they will do EXCELLENT and far surpass any score they would have gotten had they only been taught to take a test in public school.
We are ready!!! Then crap hit the fan flying a million miles an hour. Gwen had an issue, a BIG one that again, the administration was trying to brush under the rug. We reported it on Wednesday, they called me on Friday,"there is nothing we can do because the other student said it didn't happen." Gwen said, thru tears, "but it did happen." So I had my husband go up there. It was about 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the principal. He walked in, and the office staff did not acknowledge him, they were doing each others hair. When they finally did acknowledge him they said, "we don't know where she is and we are off the clock." (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) So he left, when he got home we contacted a friend whose husband happens to be lawyer. He told us what to do. This all happened Friday before spring break.
Spring break I spent sleepless nights, worrying about one thing or another, what would happen when she went back, would this kid bother her again, who knows. Monday morning rolled around, and I went straight into the office and said, "so what are we going to do about this?" They were surprised because I was there, still trying to get something done. You see they figured I was one of those parents who just don't give a crap. HA no honey not me. I may also have mentioned I spoke to an attorney. ;-) Within MINUTES the school counselor was in there, why wasn't she involved before??? Too much hassle I guess. She interviewed Gwen again, and I was promised that the child who assaulted Gwen would also be interviewed again. The principal said she would call me and let me know what happened. Within 3 hours, she called me, told me the kid confessed, the police report was filed, and CPS notified. See what happens when you "lawyer up" ;-)!!!!
When I picked up my kids from school that day, it was for the last time. Gavin was so thrilled!!! Gwen's teacher was sad, Gwen was sad and happy at the same time, and I was sad for her teacher, she really is a sweet lady!!! I pulled them out!!! I wanted to wait until the school got off its lazy butt and did something about this situation first though. I left with a clear conscience, that I have done the right thing.
Gavin, Gwen, and I went straight to Lakeshore Learning store and picked up some stuff for our home school, and then to Barnes and Noble to grab some more stuff, and we hit the ground running Tuesday morning. And guess what, my kids do, scripture study, cursive handwriting, journal/creative writing, social studies, reading, spelling, math, language arts, writing, and science, every day!!! Its about 4 hours total of teaching/working time, with an hour in the middle for lunch and recess. So our day is about 5 hours from start to finish, but you know something....it doesn't feel like it, not at all.
Am I glad I did it, you betcha!!! Now excuse me, I have some kids who don't have hours of homework to hang out with for the evening!!! I think we will go see if Frozen is in the redbox!!!!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
True love
In the past 4 months I have had the opportunity to go thru some extremely gnarly trials. I say opportunity because since it started I am finally beginning to realize what it means and why trials are so important and necessary in this life we are here to live. You see I believe, with my whole soul, no I KNOW that I came to this earth from my Heavenly Father's presence to live a mortal life, having completely for forgotten about the world I came from, in order to learn, grow, and be tested so that I can return to my Heavenly Father with all the knowledge necessary for me to do whatever it is he wants me to do eternally. But for the mean time I am here and I am human, I make mistakes, and unfortunately sometimes I neglect my spirit and allow myself to stray from the right path. Not that I have committed any heinous sin, no it's not that at all. The point is, in these past months I have learned so much about what it means to be the best wife, mom, and spiritual leader for my children I can be. The application of this learning is slowly taking effect and everyday I add a new piece of knowledge or a new good habit to replace an old one. I have learned what true love is and I work everyday so that I can have it in my life. Sometimes life can be frustrating, and the trials we go thru make knock us on our butts. However, The Lord is always there to pick us up and he will always be there to pick us up, as long as we allow him into our life all the time. The point is, true love can only come from The Lord, so if you want true love, truly love The Lord and everything else will just fall into place.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Freedom!!!!!
So for far too long I have been WAY too busy, and it finally took its toll on my life and family but I figured out what to do.... Quit being busy!!! There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes from saying "no" to people and things. For the first time in a long time I get to be home day and night and I am rediscovering my inner domestic diva who I would like to be a full time outter domestic diva, I have been making cookies, knitting, cleaning, hanging out with my family, it's been wonderful for the most part. I do have quite a bit of damage control to run since I was gone so much over the past few years but it can be done I have no fear about that. As I am sitting here feeling guilty ad heck for all the wasted time I am trying to remember why all those non family oriented extra things seemed so important at the time, and I realized this morning that it seemed that way because I was looking for happiness in the wrong places and because I allowed my focus to drift from what's important in my life, really important, I lost something I can never get back, time. With my family, real friends, and God. I can never undo the hurts and suffering from being gone, all I can do is move forward with the knowledge that the only thing that matters is family. And I am so blessed, I have a family, an eternal one, I have my sweet babies who are not really babies anymore at 12,8,&6, and my amazing husband who is wonderful at taking care of our family. The point is though, to say, don't let the world get in the way of your happiness and the path to true happiness, it is only through Christ that our lives are made whole and His teachings urge us to be focused on the family and teach our children of Him and uplift our spouses in Christ. I love my family very much, and I want this to be a warning to any mom who is thinking of working or leaving home, if you do not have to, meaning if your family will go without food, DON'T DO IT IT'S NOT WORTH IT I PROMISE YOU!!!!!!! The only things your family needs are food, shelter, clothes, and each-other nothing else matters.
The freedom I feel is from the bondage of the world trying to pull me away from my family, and I will not be chained again. I love then too much to put myself back into the prison of the world.
The freedom I feel is from the bondage of the world trying to pull me away from my family, and I will not be chained again. I love then too much to put myself back into the prison of the world.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Don't let the gypsy girl out.... For realz
I am not a fighter, I loathe tension, awkward silence, and passive aggressiveness. I would much rather someone come out and say ASAP whatever is bothering them and don't let it fester. Well last night a festering wound burst is bloody nasty smelly oiss all over the place and when that happened..... The gypsy, rumnee, rumnishel, traveler, Romani whatever girl can out of me with a force.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Rock the Casbah
So for the past few years business has been slow at best, but lately it seems to be picking up a bit!!! Yay!!! I am so very blessed to have this job that I not only LOVE but my boss is awesome even on days when he is a bit of a beast, as all bosses are at times. Why is he so awesome you ask??? Because he lets me bring my kids to work with me every single night I have to work!!! So I get to be with them and not have to leave them with a sitter wahooooo!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Irrational fear
Have you ever had an irrational fear??? Do you know what it is??? Do you know what it does to a person??
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My ADD Brain
Its the Holidays!!! YAY or not because I have to make presents, oh but look at that dirt on the floor, my dog needs a bath, hey laundry's done, oh look something sparkly....
That is pretty much how my brain feels all the time these days.
This season on Grey's Anatomy, Teddy told Christina to make a bucket list of every surgery she ever wanted to do. Why does that matter??? Because its an amazing idea!!! I am going to make a long LONG bucket list of things i want to create and then I am going to do it!!!!
The problem is I am trying to figure out just exactly why my brain cannot stay focused on one thing at a time. Sometimes I think its because I don't have the money to finish a lot of projects, then other times I think I am just crazy. Who knows but this year is the year to do it different, to do it better!!! To finish my wedding album lol!!!!
Oh other notes, I was recently "promoted" if you want to call it that, actually I feel more like I was dropped into the 7th circle of Hell!!!! Basically my job, for whatever reason, has caused some folks who were once very close to me, to just go away. It makes me really sad, but I am not sure who I am sad for, I am sad for me because it hurts my feelings because it seems to me that egos have gotten in the way of friendship. And I am sad for them because running away from things is no way to solve anything. I think I am pretty awesome. I mean I will bend over backwards for other people should the occassion call for it, but everytime I have done that in the past year, I have been crapped on. Not that I am necessarily complaining, I mean I have full faith that the Lord does not put things in our path that we cannot deal with. Its just a trial I have to overcome. In someways I feel very blessed, compared to some other folks my trials are really VERY trivial. There are people who have children who are sick, people who cannot feed their families, and families that are broken apart all over the place. But I am blessed because I don't have any of those problems. Now is the time to use this faith for good. I am just praying that the Lord will guide me so that I will know what it is he wants me to do with all these heartbreaking lessons he is teaching me.
That is pretty much how my brain feels all the time these days.
This season on Grey's Anatomy, Teddy told Christina to make a bucket list of every surgery she ever wanted to do. Why does that matter??? Because its an amazing idea!!! I am going to make a long LONG bucket list of things i want to create and then I am going to do it!!!!
The problem is I am trying to figure out just exactly why my brain cannot stay focused on one thing at a time. Sometimes I think its because I don't have the money to finish a lot of projects, then other times I think I am just crazy. Who knows but this year is the year to do it different, to do it better!!! To finish my wedding album lol!!!!
Oh other notes, I was recently "promoted" if you want to call it that, actually I feel more like I was dropped into the 7th circle of Hell!!!! Basically my job, for whatever reason, has caused some folks who were once very close to me, to just go away. It makes me really sad, but I am not sure who I am sad for, I am sad for me because it hurts my feelings because it seems to me that egos have gotten in the way of friendship. And I am sad for them because running away from things is no way to solve anything. I think I am pretty awesome. I mean I will bend over backwards for other people should the occassion call for it, but everytime I have done that in the past year, I have been crapped on. Not that I am necessarily complaining, I mean I have full faith that the Lord does not put things in our path that we cannot deal with. Its just a trial I have to overcome. In someways I feel very blessed, compared to some other folks my trials are really VERY trivial. There are people who have children who are sick, people who cannot feed their families, and families that are broken apart all over the place. But I am blessed because I don't have any of those problems. Now is the time to use this faith for good. I am just praying that the Lord will guide me so that I will know what it is he wants me to do with all these heartbreaking lessons he is teaching me.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Girls Camp!!!
So this time last week I was at girls camp having the best and most spiritually uplifting week of my life, thus far. I seriously thought at some point Jesus was going to show up like the second coming was going to happen right then :D...obviously it didn't but that is just how amazing it was!!!
Day 1: Tuesday, Driving to camp
Fun and uneventful, the girls did try to get us to listen to plain white t's and justin bieber (gag lol) but we listened to EFY and Young Women broadcasts instead and that made it awesome!!! We got to camp and found out that not only were we no where near the lodge this time but in fact were in the furthest campsite from it...lol my poor gimpy foot and i had to trek up to the lodge everyday from like 100 yards or more away but it was ok it didn't hurt and I didn't mind, but it would have been nice to be close, however, the campsite in the back of the camp ground is most beautiful and more foresty so that was nice :D!!! The rest of the day was filled with fun and spiritual getting to know you activites. We had one girl who was a little home sick but she called her mom and it helped her feel a little better.
Day 2: Wednesday, First Full day at camp
For me this day was filled with sitting around the main lodge and wondering around the main part of camp, as i was too gimpy to really do a lot of walking. My foot didn't bother me as much as my hips did at the end of the days because of the wierd height difference in my legs because of the boot. But I got to hang around with ladies I hardly ever see and that was fun. My little homesick girl was still pretty homesick at the beginning of the day but i was watching her closely all day since her group was just outside the main lodge and she seemed to be having a good time as the day went on and she was smiling by the end of it. I think this was the night we did skits in a bag which is always a big hit with the girls they love it, and our girls did amazing.."Don't be a drag, just be a queen!!!"
Day 3: Thursday, Hike day, Bishops night, and Mothers without borders
This is usually my favorite day of camp because of the hikes but sadly this year i did not get to go on the hikes so instead I helped the ladies prepare for Bishops night by making tons of little plaques with the temple on them that say "Families are Forever". Later after the hikes I got to hear all about them and they sounded wonderful and spiritual and amazing esp Sister Padgetts props to you girl, I wish I could have been there for it!!! As we were waiting for the bishops to show up, Britta and I got a chance to talk to Sis Woodbury all about her trip to Africa with Mothers without Borders. Needless to say I am SOOOO going as soon as i can!!! Bishops night was fun and as we all know bishops night also means dutch oven cobbler..only the BEST thing on the planet for real!!!!!
Day 4: Friday, Last full day of camp, and Testimony meeting
Last full day of camp is bitter sweet :) we told the girls to be packing a little in their free time so that we didn't have to be too late getting home on saturday and out of there the next morning. The day wen't off without a hitch. Then it was time to prepare for the testimony meeting. This was amazing, sis Buckhoff did an amazing job planning for this testimony prep, the spirit was so strong that there wasn't a dry eye in that camp. During the testimony sharing, most of our girls got up and I know that all of them will next year. This was the point at which I was certain Jesus was about to show up lol...it was that powerful :)
Day 5: Saturday, time to go home
YES!!! and Sad at the same time, I wanted to go home to my kiddos and my AC but I didn't want to lose the amazing spirit that I felt at camp. I have found ways since being home to keep it but it isn't nearly as strong.
All in all camp was amazing this year. You know, in Feb or early in the year we always have a big camp meeting to talk about what to expect at camp that year and we always discuss how camp is to help the young women grow closer to their Heavenly Father and to build and stregthen their testimonies but they never mentioned that it would do the same thing for the leaders that go :)!!! I love going to camp because it reminds me that all those things I tell the girls still apply to me, I am still a daughter of God who loves me, and I am still here to do great things and be an example of a follower of Christ to those around me :) I love Jesus and I hope it shows in the way I am and the way I treat other people. I know i am not perfect and that is ok, that is why we have Jesus and the atonement!!! Until next time!!!
ps sry no pics lol...i don't think i took one
Day 1: Tuesday, Driving to camp
Fun and uneventful, the girls did try to get us to listen to plain white t's and justin bieber (gag lol) but we listened to EFY and Young Women broadcasts instead and that made it awesome!!! We got to camp and found out that not only were we no where near the lodge this time but in fact were in the furthest campsite from it...lol my poor gimpy foot and i had to trek up to the lodge everyday from like 100 yards or more away but it was ok it didn't hurt and I didn't mind, but it would have been nice to be close, however, the campsite in the back of the camp ground is most beautiful and more foresty so that was nice :D!!! The rest of the day was filled with fun and spiritual getting to know you activites. We had one girl who was a little home sick but she called her mom and it helped her feel a little better.
Day 2: Wednesday, First Full day at camp
For me this day was filled with sitting around the main lodge and wondering around the main part of camp, as i was too gimpy to really do a lot of walking. My foot didn't bother me as much as my hips did at the end of the days because of the wierd height difference in my legs because of the boot. But I got to hang around with ladies I hardly ever see and that was fun. My little homesick girl was still pretty homesick at the beginning of the day but i was watching her closely all day since her group was just outside the main lodge and she seemed to be having a good time as the day went on and she was smiling by the end of it. I think this was the night we did skits in a bag which is always a big hit with the girls they love it, and our girls did amazing.."Don't be a drag, just be a queen!!!"
Day 3: Thursday, Hike day, Bishops night, and Mothers without borders
This is usually my favorite day of camp because of the hikes but sadly this year i did not get to go on the hikes so instead I helped the ladies prepare for Bishops night by making tons of little plaques with the temple on them that say "Families are Forever". Later after the hikes I got to hear all about them and they sounded wonderful and spiritual and amazing esp Sister Padgetts props to you girl, I wish I could have been there for it!!! As we were waiting for the bishops to show up, Britta and I got a chance to talk to Sis Woodbury all about her trip to Africa with Mothers without Borders. Needless to say I am SOOOO going as soon as i can!!! Bishops night was fun and as we all know bishops night also means dutch oven cobbler..only the BEST thing on the planet for real!!!!!
Day 4: Friday, Last full day of camp, and Testimony meeting
Last full day of camp is bitter sweet :) we told the girls to be packing a little in their free time so that we didn't have to be too late getting home on saturday and out of there the next morning. The day wen't off without a hitch. Then it was time to prepare for the testimony meeting. This was amazing, sis Buckhoff did an amazing job planning for this testimony prep, the spirit was so strong that there wasn't a dry eye in that camp. During the testimony sharing, most of our girls got up and I know that all of them will next year. This was the point at which I was certain Jesus was about to show up lol...it was that powerful :)
Day 5: Saturday, time to go home
YES!!! and Sad at the same time, I wanted to go home to my kiddos and my AC but I didn't want to lose the amazing spirit that I felt at camp. I have found ways since being home to keep it but it isn't nearly as strong.
All in all camp was amazing this year. You know, in Feb or early in the year we always have a big camp meeting to talk about what to expect at camp that year and we always discuss how camp is to help the young women grow closer to their Heavenly Father and to build and stregthen their testimonies but they never mentioned that it would do the same thing for the leaders that go :)!!! I love going to camp because it reminds me that all those things I tell the girls still apply to me, I am still a daughter of God who loves me, and I am still here to do great things and be an example of a follower of Christ to those around me :) I love Jesus and I hope it shows in the way I am and the way I treat other people. I know i am not perfect and that is ok, that is why we have Jesus and the atonement!!! Until next time!!!
ps sry no pics lol...i don't think i took one
Monday, June 27, 2011
Shot in the foot, and Young Women Values hair bows!!!
So yesterday was sunday and it was awesome as usual!!! I went to church and had a great time and felt the spirit which is always wonderful!!! Then I came home and started a HUGE hairbow project that I finished this afternoon. I created a hair bow with fabric flowers made from all the Young Women Value colors!!!
They are Faith, which is White and stands for Purity, Divine nature which is blue and reminds us to look toward the blue sky and heaven and where we came from, Individual Worth which is red, it reminds us of the blood of Chirst which was paid for us because to him there was no price too high, Knowledge which is green, it reminds us of spring when things are beginning to grow and reminds us to always keep growing and learning, Choice an Accountability which is orange, reminds us to use caution when making choices to prayerfully go about our lives so that we can be sure to choose the right path, Good works which is yellow, it reminds us of sunshine and all the happiness and love that shines from us when we serve and love others, Integrity which is purple and reminds us we are royal daughters of God, in old times this dye was hard to come by so only royalty had purple clothes, and if we have integrity then we will have all the other values as well, and Virtue which is gold, this reminds us that there is nothing more precious than our virtue.
It was a really fun project to make and I love going back to my Young Women roots, I just feel so connected with that program right now and I love it!! I am going back and feeding my inner child because little Jasmine really needs to know that she is all those special wonderful things that big Jasmine tries to tell all the beautiful young girls in her life that the are. Little Jasmine is just as sweet, kind, beautiful, and has just as much potential to do good and change the world as the youth that I am honored to serve today. Here is a pic of my project, i hope you guys like it, it was very good for my soul to make it and wear it as a reminder that I too have all of these values and that I also must always work to keep them.
So today was also kind of annoying...about a year ago I broke my sesamoid bone and just barely was diagnosed with a broken bone. Well this afternoon my Dr. shot me in the foot with steroids and put me in a ghastly walking boot...don't worry pics to come. However!!! This afternoon i also purchased some cute fabric to cover it in so it won't be too ugly for long. It has been a bit of a pain getting use to walking in the beast but if it means no surgery then i don't mind wearing it for a couple months. The dr said i could still dance and swim but to wear the boot at all other times when I am not engaged in those activities.
Tomorrow I am heading to camp and will be posting notes and pics via my cell phone so keep an eye out to see what's going on, I am sure that I will also post them on FB so no worries.
Until then...
They are Faith, which is White and stands for Purity, Divine nature which is blue and reminds us to look toward the blue sky and heaven and where we came from, Individual Worth which is red, it reminds us of the blood of Chirst which was paid for us because to him there was no price too high, Knowledge which is green, it reminds us of spring when things are beginning to grow and reminds us to always keep growing and learning, Choice an Accountability which is orange, reminds us to use caution when making choices to prayerfully go about our lives so that we can be sure to choose the right path, Good works which is yellow, it reminds us of sunshine and all the happiness and love that shines from us when we serve and love others, Integrity which is purple and reminds us we are royal daughters of God, in old times this dye was hard to come by so only royalty had purple clothes, and if we have integrity then we will have all the other values as well, and Virtue which is gold, this reminds us that there is nothing more precious than our virtue.
It was a really fun project to make and I love going back to my Young Women roots, I just feel so connected with that program right now and I love it!! I am going back and feeding my inner child because little Jasmine really needs to know that she is all those special wonderful things that big Jasmine tries to tell all the beautiful young girls in her life that the are. Little Jasmine is just as sweet, kind, beautiful, and has just as much potential to do good and change the world as the youth that I am honored to serve today. Here is a pic of my project, i hope you guys like it, it was very good for my soul to make it and wear it as a reminder that I too have all of these values and that I also must always work to keep them.
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| you must excuse the hair lol it had been a long day :D |
Tomorrow I am heading to camp and will be posting notes and pics via my cell phone so keep an eye out to see what's going on, I am sure that I will also post them on FB so no worries.
Until then...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Crafts, Finished dress, Sushi and Lulu's!!!
Today was a VERY busy day!!!! Today was the big day of crafting with my girls!! I had an amazing group of extremly crafty women over here today making all sorts of pretty things, of course i will add photos..assuming I can figure out how to do it. Camp is next week and I am delighted that we were able to get all these wonderful gifts made for the girls today and in less than 3 hours, plus it was a lot of fun.
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| All the things we made |
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| close up of the crystal temple braclet |
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| Close up of "Dare to be Different" pic (not the best one, I did this one lol) |
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| Close up of the photo frame "Remember who you are" each of the girls get one with their photo in it and they are all different!!! |
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| Close up of the values necklace, you can't really tell what it looks like, i will model one later :D |
So last night LATE, I finally finished a dress I started last September. Last year I took my best friend Britta to see Adam Lambert in concert ( I know we are old and cheesy but he was fun and glittery so :P). Anyway I wanted to wear this dress, but I didn't finish it because I got too busy working on other things, well last night I finished it and I wore it out tonight with Britta, Susie, and Ashely!!! We had dinner at Tangerine, and Dessert at Lulu's Chocolate bar (I highly recommend this place, it is awesome). Sadly I forgot to get a pic of us as a group, which sucks cuz we were all cute and vintage looking. Speaking of which, I had this dress in my closet that never fit me and my friend Susie didn't bring a vintage dress to go out in, so she tried it on and it fit like a glove!!! I am kicking myself for not getting a pic tonight...dangit...oh well here is a photo of the finished dress with me all dressed up rockabilly style :)
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| I had on black cork wedges with it, so i was totally ROCKIN!!! I wish my hair had been bigger, it wouldn't cooporate lol!!! |
Until then...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Here we go
Alrighty so I have decided that I am going to hang up the excuse that I never have anything worth blogging about because it is a total lie!!! My life is awesome, as per my title ;)!!! I keep seeing on facebook, and other blogs all these wonderful and interesting things that people are doing and writing about so I decided that I am going to start talking about the interesting stuff I do. Today, day one, I started a blog!! YAY!!! Tomorrow I am hosting a crafting day at my house, the spoils of which i will post in tomorrow's blog if all goes according to plan. The big craft day tomorrow is in preparation for Young Women's Camp for my church. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I LOVE IT!!! I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, he is totally awesome!!! But camp is the time of year that a select, and I say elite ;) few women of my stake, get to spend a week with the most amazing group of young girls in the entire world, of course i could be biased :D!!! This year our camp theme is "Your Once Upon a Time is Now" its a play on the princess theme, because last year an amazing man named Dieter Utchdorf gave an amazing talk with the same title all about how life is like a story, and right now is our once upon a time and each day we are writing the pages and events in our story. And about how the heros and heroines in our stories were that because of overcoming all sorts of adversity and struggles and still staying true to theirselves, and their beliefs. So me and a group of my friends are all making some wonderful crafty things to give as gifts to the girls. Of course when it is all over i will post some pictures for my followers (which i don't have now but hope to soon :D) to see all the fun stuff we did and maybe use some of it in their own princess themed thing!!! So todays big accomplishment!!! Start a blog..check!! Tomorrow make lots of cute things and post pics!!! See ya then!!!
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