So for far too long I have been WAY too busy, and it finally took its toll on my life and family but I figured out what to do.... Quit being busy!!! There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes from saying "no" to people and things. For the first time in a long time I get to be home day and night and I am rediscovering my inner domestic diva who I would like to be a full time outter domestic diva, I have been making cookies, knitting, cleaning, hanging out with my family, it's been wonderful for the most part. I do have quite a bit of damage control to run since I was gone so much over the past few years but it can be done I have no fear about that. As I am sitting here feeling guilty ad heck for all the wasted time I am trying to remember why all those non family oriented extra things seemed so important at the time, and I realized this morning that it seemed that way because I was looking for happiness in the wrong places and because I allowed my focus to drift from what's important in my life, really important, I lost something I can never get back, time. With my family, real friends, and God. I can never undo the hurts and suffering from being gone, all I can do is move forward with the knowledge that the only thing that matters is family. And I am so blessed, I have a family, an eternal one, I have my sweet babies who are not really babies anymore at 12,8,&6, and my amazing husband who is wonderful at taking care of our family. The point is though, to say, don't let the world get in the way of your happiness and the path to true happiness, it is only through Christ that our lives are made whole and His teachings urge us to be focused on the family and teach our children of Him and uplift our spouses in Christ. I love my family very much, and I want this to be a warning to any mom who is thinking of working or leaving home, if you do not have to, meaning if your family will go without food, DON'T DO IT IT'S NOT WORTH IT I PROMISE YOU!!!!!!! The only things your family needs are food, shelter, clothes, and each-other nothing else matters.
The freedom I feel is from the bondage of the world trying to pull me away from my family, and I will not be chained again. I love then too much to put myself back into the prison of the world.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Don't let the gypsy girl out.... For realz
I am not a fighter, I loathe tension, awkward silence, and passive aggressiveness. I would much rather someone come out and say ASAP whatever is bothering them and don't let it fester. Well last night a festering wound burst is bloody nasty smelly oiss all over the place and when that happened..... The gypsy, rumnee, rumnishel, traveler, Romani whatever girl can out of me with a force.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
If you ever watch the gypsy shows on tv. And you see the gypsy girls fighting. And think, y are they do immature, it's not that , it's that they fiercely protect that which is under their stewardship that being said, I have never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did last night. But because I have more control over the gypsy side than most I was able to keep her bottles in... For the most part. But when it rains it pours. And it has become very clear to me that no matter who I help or serve what I get in return is crapped on. Oh well eventually I will be on top and will be able to crap on those who are below me. But here's the thing, I don't think I will. I think ubwill be the bigger person.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Rock the Casbah
So for the past few years business has been slow at best, but lately it seems to be picking up a bit!!! Yay!!! I am so very blessed to have this job that I not only LOVE but my boss is awesome even on days when he is a bit of a beast, as all bosses are at times. Why is he so awesome you ask??? Because he lets me bring my kids to work with me every single night I have to work!!! So I get to be with them and not have to leave them with a sitter wahooooo!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
I cannot yet decide though if this is going to be one of those things where they grow up and say " my childhood was epic because my mom took us everywhere when she worked in restaurants and theaters". Or if they will grow up and say "my life sucked my mom drug me everywhere". Lol I guess I will see, but if you want my opinion, and you must because you are still reading. I think they will be very well rounded individuals. At the theater they are surrounded by artists and they are always seeing one play or another and even sometimes help build, paint, and make stuff for the set. They can tell you who William Shakespeare is and can sing most of the songs in a handful of child appropriate musicals. But most importantly, during the day when the theater is empty and I am sewing they ask me to out costumes on and they go onstage and make their own plays for hours they make up their own stories and play!!!
It also helps that all the folks I. The theater department love them too and play with them all the time.
Anyway that's my 2 cents!!!!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Irrational fear
Have you ever had an irrational fear??? Do you know what it is??? Do you know what it does to a person??
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
Basically it's a fear or a phobia it can be of anything.
It can cause anxiety, nausea, social disorders, fight or flight, the list goes on and on and for the people who have them.... It sucks.
It takes your normal life and turns it upside down, it makes you into a paranoid freak who thinks the world or even your closest loved ones are against you. That they are simply behind your back making fun of you, cheating on you, or just plain old being fake waiting for the perfect moment to let you in on the horrible secret.
I have irrational fears, I am scared of so many things that make no sense at all. And I have no way to make it stop. The only thing that has ever worked for me is basically talking me down off the ledge. But no one does that for me. They just get mad, which only makes the fear worse and more debilitating for me, do what do I do??? I repress it. I push it down and away as far as I can so I wonky be scared. I hide behind one thing or another until my head is so full that there is no room for the fear. Most nights I lay fall asleep watching tv because it is the only way to keep my brain away from those tucked away fears. But lately I have discovered that they always find a way out. That they will not be locked away. That they want to be seen, heard, and felt. They will not back down without a fight. So they come out I dreams. Awful horrible scary nightmares the kind that are suppose to go away after you become a grown up. For people with these irrational fears, the nightmares are not only there but they are almost real.
Why am I telling this to all of cyber space??
Because everyone one needs to know about this because chances are there is someone in your life that lives with some sort of anxiety disorder and you never know when you will be the person they need to talk them down off the ledge.
Moral of the story is, these people more than anything need love, real love, and a person to turn to when their own mind has turned against them. Are you willing to be that person for someone??? I hope so...
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